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Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery: |
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1. ''Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.''
2. ''Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.''
3. ''Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness''
4. ''Bo! Bo! Com...
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Blonde and Babies |
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all went into the ObGyn office together. When they met after their check-ups, the redhead was smilling, and the brunette asked her why. "I'm going to have a baby...
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Blonde joke |
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A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a
barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The b...
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48-year-old |
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A 48 year old woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks
"Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?
What's the...
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50 Elevator Activities |
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1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and m...
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Things that Piss Me Off |
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People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
People who are willing to ge...
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priests and soap |
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There was a priest in his church and he was all alone. He decided to take a bath in his private chambers. He's in the bathtub and he hears that something is in the church. He gets up (still naked a...
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Books for Kids |
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Books We'd Like to See for Little Kids
- "You Were an Accident"
- "Strangers Have the Best Candy"
- "The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
- "Some Kittens Can Fly!"
- "How to Dress S...
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An Honest Lawyer |
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Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
“My name is Bobby. What’s yours?” asked the first boy.
“Danny,” replied the second. “My Daddy’s an...
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F in arithmetic |
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Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6."
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How ...
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30 Life Sayings |
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30 SAYINGS FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE SERIOUSLY
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like...night.
3. On the other hand...you have different fingers.
4. 42.7...
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Husband Store |
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A brand new store has just opened in London that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:-
“You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! Th...
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Potat-ho Prostitute |
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Two little potatoes are standing on the street corner.
One is a prostitute.
How can you tell which one is the prostitute?
It's the one with the little sticker that says, “I-DA-HO”
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3 Mothers |
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Three expectant mothers were sitting in the obstetrician's waiting room. Two of the ladies began to chat about their pregnancies, and their due dates and such.
One of the women said to the othe...
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Dirty Golf |
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10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely wa...
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Old But Full of Life |
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A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man.
The young punk has spiked, multi-colored, green, purple, and orange hair. His clo...
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